Dungeon Crawls...A Quick Look

Today we talk about something dark, something that few of us would ever be happy to find ourselves in; Today we're talking about monster filled holes in the ground, we're talking about Dungeons.

As a gamer of multiple platforms, both digital and pen and paper, I constantly seem to find myself in these monster and trap infested pits of despair. You kind of wonder sometimes when your wandering through these places.."Who makes these things? Really? Acme Instant Dungeons?" That's not to say that I wouldn't enjoy that job, but It just makes me wonder why so many places have these labyrinths just dug out beneath them. Can you imagine going over to a friends house, and he's like "Dude, you wanna go down stairs and check out our dungeon?" Now wait a minute. That might have been pretty cool, I'm sure I wasn't the only child that ran around outside with a stick or a plastic sword and pretended to slay all matter of monsters, ninja, robots, or bullies. 

 As you spend time adventuring and slaying your way through these countless dungeons, you run across some common foes, skeletons and all other measure of the undead, slimes and oozes, giant insects, and goblins...green skinned, cowardly, sneaky little goblins. Most of us have something we hate dealing with most in dungeons, for some its the traps and puzzles, for others its just the constant grind, for me...its Goblins. There is nothing more embarrassing to a would-be hero than being taken out by the most lowly and and weak creature to ever inhabit the realm of fantasy. Not only is it bad for a hero's ego, but it's bad for the dungeon unions, I mean, once the Goblins realize that they have the ability to be more than cannon fodder they're gonna want more pay, better equipment, and do you have any idea how much that's gonna cost evil overlords? I mean it's ok to pay a dragon the ridiculous fee because there is only one of those...but on average there are hundreds if not thousands of these tiny bastards in a dungeon, that's a lot of money...I ain't got time for that.

DC 30?! Push the Gnome into it, we can find another one.

Moving on...some other aspects of dungeon crawling include dodging traps like pitfalls, spike traps, falling rocks, zombified drag queens from beyond, the list goes on and on, but you should be able to navigate and handle these traps without out too much difficulty, and if a trap is too hard to handle you simply push the most useless or most annoying party member into the trap. Personally, I always choose the Gnome, as they are small and easy to throw, and the sounds they make are hilarious.

  

 Last, but not least in the dungeon crawling experience, haha experience..., yes...last but not least LOOT! Now we all expect to be rewarded in some way, shape, or form at the end of the dungeon. You could have been seeking a legendary weapon, or trying to rescue a princess, or just been on a genocidal quest to end the green menace. However you could arrive at the end and find out the princess is in another castle/dungeon, you could lose the roll on the +10 Sword of Flaming Unearthly Doom to the wizard who wants it cause it looks cool, or you could get taken out by a damn goblin...but none the less, we want that reward, so we're gonna keep crawling through the holes in the ground in search of that thing he jumped into the darkness for in the first place

A Link to the Past, still amazing all these years later!

As I began to write my article on Deadpool: Circle Chase a familiar song began to play back into my head. It was one that I had not heard since...

If you're unfamiliar with this than you may want to leave now

  It would seem as though I have traveled back in time, back to a place before the harsh realities of life and all the drama of high school started to dog me, yes, I traveled back to Hyrule...to A Link to the Past

 I was only 10 or 11 when I got to be involved in this amazing experience. I was at my aunt and uncle's house in the mountains of West Virginia and I see this interesting cart in the stack next to the Super Nintendo, so I pop it into the system push the power switch and I don't remember how it happened, but I was transported into a world of high fantasy, magic, monsters and something I knew I had to find: The Master Sword. Usually I skip intro videos for games, I usually have no patience for these things, but I say there and ate up the back ground story for game, having never played either of the NES Zelda titles at this point. I was enthralled, at this point, I should mention I was just starting to get into Fantasy books and such so this was right up my ally at the time. Then I was awakened by the voice, She said her name was Zelda and she was trapped in a castle. This game was so easy to just pick up and play, no learning curve, no hours and hours of trial and error, I crept into the crypt, got my sword and shield from my uncle, and proceeded to defeat evil minions and rescue the princess. However, that wasn't the end...on no, this game had plans, and places for me to go, evils of greater magnitudes for me to defeat. So it was that I was sent off on a great journey to retrieve three amulets that I would need to pull the Master Sword from the stone block that it rested in, like a tiny, green clad, Arthur Pendragon.

On and on I ventured, picking up nifty little treasures that would assist me further in my adventures, things like the boomarang, a magic mirror, magic wands, and one of my favorite game items of all time, the Hook Shot. Also I would learn the location of several other items, including the Pegasus Boots, which would let me run and dash, the Titan's Glove which gave me the strength to lift up boulders and throw them like they were nothing to me. So I was fast, strong, I had a pretty cool sword, this neat shield, and I wasn't some lame boy scout like Superman(that's right I take shots during game articles too), I was a badass hero, I'd already saved a princess, defeated monsters, murdered a bunch of bushes, I was on a roll. I traveled to three different temples, figured out puzzles, defeated bosses, and retrieved the three amulets I was sent out to find, then I traveled back to the Lost Woods...and there it was...right before my very eyes: The Master Sword, I approached the stone and like HE-MAN calling upon the powers of Greyskull I HAD THE POWER! Now that I had the Master Sword and my Mirror Shield, I was

off to beat the ever loving crap out of that evil pig looking wizard Ganon. Well It took a little more effort than just using my magic mirror, nope I had to watch my darling princess get taken to the dark world and got myself zapped into the dark dimension by that rat fink Agahnim that mofo just left me on top of the pyramid of power, but I was still ok, because I was Link, master sword guy and overall Badass, with a capital B. Then I was told I needed to rescue some maidens who were trapped in these crystals. After many more trials I finally defeated Agahnim who turns out to be Ganon, I chase him into the depths of the Pyramid of Power, and after a long and epic battle the likes the world had never seen, I defeat the evil monster, and make a wish upon the Tri-Force. Then it was as if everything was back to normal...the world of Hyrule had been restored, and the Master Sword once again rested in the depths of the Lost Woods.

 It was a thrilling day and night of game play. It left a mark upon me that never washed away, and I continue to hum the Overworld theme to myself to this day. So thank you Nintendo, and everyone else involved, you managed to keep part of me a kid despite the best attempts of the world to force me to grow up completely and leave these things behind.

RDM-001 My favorite little robot Minion

Today, I felt that I should open up the book on something that is near and dear to my heart, something that many of my fellow Mad Scientists know all about: Robot Armies.

RDM- 001

 Yes folks, today we discuss a staple in all Ev- Completely mundane and Good Natured Organizations - The Robot Minions. Despite my repeated attempt to gain government funding, I have received no such assistance so I have begun constructing prototypes on a budget. Some of you will recognize the one on the right, given the designation RDM-001, short for Robo Death Machine 001...I mean Robotic Dusting Machine 001...You may be wondering why he was equipped with a stainless steel steak knife attachment. Simple, his own protection, you see in this day and age you can never be too safe. What would it have done if it went out for a bite to eat with his other robotic comrades only to get mugged by a shady individual. Well I'll tell you what it did in that exact situation. It poked the hell out of his foot, and then when it tripped him up it went in for the KILL like any highly trained soldier would. Unfortunately for RDM-001 he soon found himself surrounded by the flesh and blood 5-0 who in this persons opinion are a bunch of technophobes with too much spare ammunition laying around. Anywho...The RDM-001 valiantly charged his new attackers but was brought down in a hale of gunfire.

RDM-001 you will be missed.

01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100111 01101001 01110110 01100101 

 Having learned from our initial mistakes here at Geek Is Good, we have decided that our next prototypes will need some significant work, perhaps some armor plating, active camouflage technology, or better yet, some actual AI. So while while I take this time to draw up new schematics I'd like to hear some of your ideas for slick new killer helpful minions.

Guest Review: Superman Secret Origin #1

While I journeyed out of DC-Land and Into the Marvel Universe today with my look into Deadpool, I'm also featuring another first for Geek Is Good, today also feature my first guest review. This review was done by my friend Rick Classic, and it appears he's gonna cover my least favorite DC hero for me. -Insert Vincent Price Laugh-

All according to my plans...I mean, yeah, Rick, the floor is yours save for a couple snark filled remarks, but what else could you expect from me.

  *    *    *    *    *   *

 Rick Classic here and for my first review I thought we’d take a look at the other end of the DC spectrum.  Throughout Tucker’s review of Batman: Year One he made a few swipes at a certain Last Son of Krypton, a character whose camp I find myself firmly entrenched within. Since I feel equal time should be given to make the case for Kal-El, that’s right...welcome to the dark side. Bwahahahahahaha!!!

   Don’t worry though, this will be nothing diabolically painful but I do feel that as a lifelong Superman fan I can make an argument for the worth of the character beyond the “he’s an alien with insane amounts of power” argument. Like the Year One review I’ll go with the origin story, but the question becomes which version. Unlike Batman’s origin, Superman’s story has been told and retold many times, in almost 30 years alone we’ve been witness to 1986’s The Man of Steel, which was the first post-Crisis on Infinite Earths retelling of his origin. In 2003 Superman: Birthright retold the story for the 21^st century, and currently Grant Morrison with his run in Action Comics is putting his spin on the tale.

   The version I’m going to look at is the 2009 version written by Geoff Johns and illustrated by Gary Frank, Superman: Secret Origin. So the question before we begin: why this one, what makes this one so different from the ones that came before or the ones that came after. The short answer as far as I’m concerned, it’s much more enjoyable and much more complete (especially since Morrison’s run has yet to be completed). Man of Steel left a lot out of the equation, Birthright did as well but it also got a little didactic at times.  Secret Origin keeps the mythos pre- and post- crisis intact while adding some of the more emotional moments of Birthright, and keeps it all within six issues.

Part 1-The Boy of Steel: We open with a young Clark Kent staring up at the sky when his attention is brought back to Earth by a young boy calling out to him to go long during a pick-up game of football. Clark catches the ball and makes his run with his friend Pete Ross gaining on him, Pete makes the tackle but in the process breaks his arm which stops the game and brings the ambulance and the parents to take the kids home. The next day at school, Pete is reveling in the attention his broken arm is getting him from the girls. Pete offers Clark a chance to sign his cast when Clark’s x-ray vision kicks in and revels the broken bone to him. Clark runs off upset, revealing to Lana Lang that having been responsible for breaking Pete’s arm.

That's super angst you're seeing here.

  Lana tries to comfort Clark and at the end of a tale about how he had saved her as a child, Lana kisses Clark. This event however triggers Clark’s heat vision which causes a fire in the school. The fire gets put out with authorities scratching their heads on what caused the fire. Clark gets picked up by Pa Kent and taken home with Clark asking the question “what is wrong with me”. Back on the farm, Ma Kent tries to cheer up her son when Pa Kent says it’s past time to tell Clark the truth. The family go to the barn where Pa reveals to Clark the object that “answered their prayers”, a small silver space ship.

    Clark’s first reaction to the rocket is awe, which is quickly changed to surprise when he touches the rocket and a holographic image of his birth parents appear. The pair is introduced as Jor-El and Lara and they explain how Krypton, their home and Clark’s birth planet was destroyed by their sun going nova. The revelation that he’s not the Kent’s birth son or even for that matter human enrages Clark and he unleashes his heat vision on the rocket which does nothing to damage it and then starts to pound away at it before he runs crying into the cornfields with Pa chasing after him.

  Clark falls and Pa Kent catches up to his crying son upset that the father he knew is not his father. But Pa embraces Clark and encourages him that he will always be his son. Elsewhere in Smallville a young Lex Luthor runs from his drunken father and trips over a green glowing rock which Lex describes as “fantastic”. The next morning we see Clark wearing a pair of glasses two sizes too big for his face, the lens were crafted from the lens on the rocket which withstood Clark’s heat vision and allow him to keep this power in check. Clark arrives at school and we find him making excuses to keep from participating in sports with the other students, Lana Lang notices and remarks at how bad Clark is at lying.

   Lana invites Clark to help here with a flower booth at a fair where he comes across a booth manned by Lex Luthor who is selling his old books for money because he has memorized the best ones and dis-proven the rest. He also says he needs money to get out of Smallville. During a discussion about the possibility of life beyond Earth, Lex produces the green glowing rock which seems to have an adverse effect on Clark and causes Lex to drop the rock. Suddenly, a tornado appears over the fair (it’s Kansas, what would expect?) which causes all sorts of havoc and pulls Lana into its funnel. Clark rushes in and saves Lana and in the process learns that he can fly.

Yeah ,you should have stuck them them guns.

    
 Clark returns home and excitedly tells his folks about going up, up, and away. His clothed are a mess, so Ma Kent decides to create some clothes that he can wear while in action. Using the blankets he was wrapped in as a baby, Ma and Clark put together the iconic red and blue costume and...Clark is embarrassed wearing the thing remarking “this is the last time I ever wear this”.

Deadpool: Everyone's Favorite A-Hole

Marvel's Most Dangerous Smart-ass, and our favorite Merc.

The man has his priorities straight.

 Today we're gonna venture out of the DC Universe and into the Universe of Marvel. While I may have started with DC titles, my love of Marvel Comics is what started me in comics, and the character of Deadpool will be our first stop in the land of Marvel. Deadpool for those of you who are not familiar with the character, Is often called "The Merc with the Mouth" and earns his nickname with constant use of sarcasm, puns, and enough one liners to put Arnold Schwarzenegger to shame. The character of Deadpool, aka Wade Wilson, is almost unique among comics, as he often breaks the "4th Wall" and speaks directly to the reader, often at times when he is erstwhile engaged with someone else, often leading to moments of hilarity. So with that in mind, lets dive into a little history first, shall we?

Nothing Personal, but Hippity-Hops aren't free.

 Deadpool first appeared in the Marvel Universe in 1991, in New Mutants #98 in the role of a villain. Deadpool was created almost as an homage to the DC baddie Deathstroke, who also happens to be a mercenary and constant thorn in the side of good in the DC Universe, Deadpool was actually given the real name Wade Wilson as a sort of joke as Deathstroke's real name is Slade Wilson, but that's about the end of the similarities. So on his first job Deadpool is hired to hunt down and kill his future partner on Nathan Summers, more commonly known as Cable. Of course, Pool doesn't succeed, but that doesn't stop him from carrying on and becoming a legend among mercenaries and the criminal element in general. He shortly after became a recurring character in the X-Force series and then in 1993 he got his first miniseries called, The Circle Chase, which I will review sometime soon as it was the first Deadpool I ever read many many moons ago. In 1997 Deadpool received his own ongoing series.

What horrors lie beneath that mask...

Now that we covered a bit of the character's history, let's get to one of the biggest draws of Deadpool, the humor. When it comes to villains and anti-heroes, we often find all types of people, from Psychopaths, Geniuses, Vigilantes, Etc. Etc., however we often these often entertaining and interesting characters lack something, they're often humorless. While I love Dr. Doom for being the egotistical, genius/master sorceror he's got no sense of humor and while that makes him a fine villain and occasional hero, it leaves me from time to time wishing he would just crack a one liner to make the heroes feel just a little worse for ending up in the predicament.

...yep that's pretty f@%king scary.

 With Deadpool, you never have that, he's trash talking from the get go, and often makes you wonder, "How the hell did he get so good?" or "Is this guy really a threat to anyone?" But, his wise-assery and aloofness do in fact make him very good at putting people off their guard long enough for him to shoot them dead, well... sometimes, Deadpool is not the best of shot, but his skill with a blade leaves little lacking, and you couple that with his amazing healing factor and it becomes a lethal combination. Its always fun to listen to the voices in his head, as it gives you a look into the psychosis that Wade deals with on a regular basis. One of his biggest draws though is the constant breaking of the Fourth Wall. The Fourth Wall refers to an imaginary wall that the reader/viewer views all the action through and the characters have no idea of its existence, save for Deadpool, who will speak directly to the reader, not just in his head, but out loud when other characters are present. 

 Deapool gives readers a little bit of everything and fans of comics in general usually enjoy his antics, and new readers sometimes find themselves a little lost, but quickly warm up to the Merc With A Mouth and find themselves wanting to explore some of the other characters(and there are a metric ton of them) that often have dealings with or find themselves dealing with ol' Deadpool. So I highly recommend you find a Deadpool title and dive in. As I mentioned before, I'll be reviewing a few of the Deadpool Mini Arcs in the future, namely Circle Chase and Suicide Kings which I love, as well as some Deadpool and Cable. So keep reading for more fun with Deadpool.

 

Round 1... Fight!

I started playing video games when I was around four, all we had for the our Nintendo Entertainment System was Mario/Duck Hunt cart that came with the NES, but that was fine for me. I played Mario until I was too frustrated and then I would play Duck Hunt until I was bored. Then one year my aunt got my cousin a Super Nintendo and a Sega Genesis, and on the Sega she got him a little cart that would begin my infatuation with the Fighting genre of games. That cart, was Mortal Kombat.

Oh man, it was the coolest thing on earth for me. I could be a kung fu master ninja assassin and I wouldn't get in trouble for punching my troublesome littie brother. We played MK for a whole day the day we got it, and at the time this was unheard of as we were all the "go outside and play" types, but something about this game was compelling us to play and not set the controller down. My cousin played Liu Kang a lot and I stuck to the one character that I had figured a special move out with, the spectral ninja from Hell, Scorpion, and I started to notice, this was not as rage inducing as Mario, I could kick ass and take names, and there was no A-Hole flying around throwing things at me, all I had to do was throw my spear, uppercut, round house kick, and some rapid fire punches...and I did this well. Then one day while looking at a GamePro I see something I was unaware of, a button sequence that is still to this day stuck in my head, A B A C A B B, the Blood Code, man that made this already awesome game even cooler to a kid. Then I discovered something else about this game that was even more awesome. I could not only kick my opponents ass from here to there, I could END THEM. The fatalities were really cool, and the novelty kept me playing and playing for quite a while. Then, A New Challenger Appeared.

Yeah, that's right, by 1994 I had my own Sega Genesis and I had a new fighting game that was set to put me on the path to GREATNESS. I got home and put this cart in the Sega and watched the animation at the beginning and I was psyched, nay, I was geeked the hell out. 

 Look at all those characters!! So many options! I could be Ryu and throw fireballs at people and karate their faces off! I could be Dhalsim and use my Yoga Fire to incinerate my foes! There was a green dude! A green dude! And that mother fu@&!# was electrified! So naturally, I chose Ryu, since he was the one in the animation before the title screen. It took some getting used to as the move sets were a little more complicated than ◄ ◄ + A  but with some practice and determination I soon mastered the art of the Capcom fighting style. Yes, the mystical art of Quarter Circle Forward Punch, aka the HADOUKEN, yes sir, I was in business now. Asses were going to be kicked, heads would roll, words would be misheard and incorrectly spoken, but I didn't care I was kicking ass and I was almost at the final boss. That's when I met the most awe inspiring, digital badass on earth. -Cue Awesome Intro Theme- wait...that's not the right theme..-Cue More Awesome Intro Theme-..Standing at Seven Foot Four Inches Tall, and weighing in at 284 pounds, I give you The God of Muay Thai, Sagat.

 I quit playing Ryu that minute, and ever since, in every game he is included in, Sagat became my go to, always first played, favorite character in Capcom's extensive history. I don't often fanboy, but when I do, It's for Sagat. I played my Super Street Fighter II cart more than any other game I ever owned on Genesis, and have since played and been hooked on Street Fighter games. It's like meth, I just couldn't give it up, and I had and still have no plans on dropping my habit. Now that I've sat here and talked about this with you all I feel the call...Time to end this and go play some Street Fighter and go lay some Tiger Ass-Whoopings on some poor fools.
 

Batman: The Thrilling Conclusion.

When last we left out caped crusader he was feeling the heat and we were left to wonder if he would go to pieces. All those answers and more on today's exciting conclusion of Batman: Year One!

 

Introducing Sprinkles the Cat

 So, as our wonderful announcer mentioned, when last we left the Dark Knight he was about to become Bat-Flambe courtesy of Commissioner Loeb. So with things blowing up left and right, what's a poor costumed vigilante to do?! Well if you happen to be the God Damn Batman you tear through the building and find the hidden door that leads to the basement. Chains and a lock, is that a problem? Not when you're the God Damn Batman. So with Bats out of immediate danger we go back to outside as a corrupt swat team leader and his squad move in to kill our hero. Now, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, cause this is supposed to be at the beginning of his career, but you would think, if several large explosions don't kill this man, that you probably don't want to be caught dead in his field of vision. So while the manhunt is going on, Batman gets a moment to reflect on his situation and make friends with a nearby cat, yeah, kinda some foreshadowing there, and Spoiler Alert!, it's one of the many that belongs to Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman.

No one takes a shot at Sprinkles.

 So Gotham's finest take the time to show us how awesome they are by shooting at Batman's new friend, Sprinkles the Cat, and this does not sit well with Bruce Wayne. Why not? Well for one, Bruce loves cats, he's like Dr. Dolittle, man just loves animals, and for two...He's the God Damn Batman, and no one, I mean NO ONE shoots at Sprinkles the Cat and doesn't get his comeuppance. So Bat's rescues his buddy by running through a hale of gunfire, scoops up the cat and chucks it through an open window, and about that time, everyone outside is thinking the same thing. It's about to go down.

 So the it didn't work out too well for the members of the Gotham Swat team, I mean, once you get thrown through a brick wall you're done. You're human and you just got put through a brick wall? Yep, you're done, clock out, call it a day, but make sure you stop and get some ice to help with that ass-whooping you just took. So Batman summons up a huge swarm of bats, just like in the scene from Batman Beings and make's his escape. Bruce spends some time in Europe to heal up and from taking a couple bullets during the whole ordeal, but it's just a scratch when you're one of the baddest men on the planet(And not some asshole from Krypton). Meanwhile, poor Jim Gordon is having some issues of the personal nature, but I'm not gonna spoil it, but I will say the conflict does add another layer to the already great character. That brings us to the end of the third issue and we're going to go ahead and rocket into the fourth

 

  Our final issue is a hell of a finale for the arc, it starts with Gordon dealing with some issues with his love life, and in my humble opinion he made the right choice, and did what an honorable man would do, but that not where I want you all to focus, where heading back to crime. So we cut to a scene where Gordon is beside himself that future Two-Face, Harvey Dent, did little to nothing to stop a corrupt judge from letting a notorious criminal back onto the street. What Gordon doesn't realize is that Dent wasn't doing this for nothing, and as we see the scum bag enjoying a few lines of nose candy while shooting the crap with his lawyer he's paid a visit by our the God Damn Batman.

 If you weren't aware already from issues of the past, Batman likes drugs about as much as you probably like having a finger nail ripped off. I got a bit of a chill when he's looking this scumbag in the face and says, "I know pain. I know pain. And sometimes, I like to share it."
Batman put the fear into this man, and gets him to turn against a high ranking crooked police officer, one Detective Flass, which starts things on a downhill slope for Gotham's corrupt higher ups. This comic also shows up the initial appearance of Catwoman, who is referred to as Batman's assistant when she shows up on a stakeout and proceeds to ruin the evening of Carmine Falcone. The action picks up to a frenzied pace when someone kidnaps Gordon's newborn son and after a chase and a brief scuffle with Gordon, falls off a bridge with the baby in his hands. However, thanks to his complete badassery, Batman, knowing this shit was gonna happen because of his Bat-Telepathy device, was there to jump off the bridge and save baby Gordon and secure the alliance with future Commissioner Gordon. This issue goes by fairly quick, ending with Gordon standing atop a building, recounting the fall of Commissioner Loeb and his rise to Captain in the Gotham City Police Department. He also makes mention of a lunatic who's threatening to poison the Gotham Reservoir, a man calling himself The Joker, but he tells the reading not to worry, cause he has a friend coming that can help. The scene was the basis for the last scene in Batman Begins.

So that's it folks, If you're into Batman and you haven't already ready this go get it and read it. It's almost required reading for any Batman fan. If you're new to comics and you like the new Batman movies, read the damn book, you'll enjoy it as much as the movies. Also, if there is one that you should take away from this it's this:

He's the God Damn Batman

My Oldest Foe

Most of you are familiar with this scene and if you aren't turn on the NES classic Super Mario Bros. and you will see this is the first screen of the game. It's the beginning of Mario's journey through the Mushroom kingdom to save Princess Toadstool and rescue the Mushroom Kingdom by freeing it and all of its denizens from the horrible spell placed on them by General Bowser Koopa, Leader of the Koopa Troop, and Massive Wang Hugger. So as our intrepid hero makes his way past seemingly never ending waves of Bowser's troops, hurtling over massive pitfalls, eating strange, magical mushrooms to increase his size and vitality(the real horror story behind all that later) and smashing his way through blocks that just appeared all over the place(yeah, horror, more later). You fight the Goombas, traitorous little co-inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom, Koopa Troopas, the creatures that form up the majority of the forces of the Koopa Troop and come in a variety of different types including the flying Koopa Paratroopa. 

Then, when you think all is well, you run into this dick. His name is Lakitu and his sole purpose in life is to fly around in his nice little cloud and spy on you and whenever you're in a tight spot or whenever Mario thinks he have a moment to rest this flying creep chucks Spiney Eggs at you which you can avoid, but once they hit the ground they rapidly mature into an adult Spiney, and before you know it you're in the middle of a swarm of spined covered armored monsters. As a child, I played in terror of this asshat showing up and hurling weaponized eggs at me and then being chased and eventually overwhelmed by the beasts. 

 So after playing further Super Mario games, the Koopa Troop increases the size of its air force to include evil suns, Koopa Paratroopas, Fly Guys, but Lakitu was ever present, always there, always taunting me. When I finally got to play a new game called, Super Mario Kart, I thought I had finally escaped my tormentor and I flew all over the tracks with reckless abandon then I fell into some water. Then, who would descend from the sky in his bastard cloud with a a fishing pole...Lakitu and he fished me out of the water, saving me from the depths. Well I was amazed, how is it my worst foe would be my savior from the blue hell of the Mushroom Kingdom's waters. Just as I was about to change my mind about the little guy, the son of a dog stole my money. I was just about to draw in a breathe of air when the monster took my coins and flew off, cackling madly, and spouting obscenities and racial epitaphs. Lakitu has continues to rain hell down upon unsuspecting Mario, and while his original incarnation was somewhat cute, what he's become is closer to what he truly looks like, a sadistic monster hell-bent on sowing terror from the skies of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Not so cute now, is he!

Na na na na na na Batman!

If you haven't been stuck under a rock for the last 74 years (Well 74 in May) then you are familiar with a someone named... Batman, pardon me –clears throat- BATMAN. Yes, Gotham’s caped crusader, the Dark Knight, or just mild mannered billionaire CEO and philanthropist Bruce Wayne has been entertaining us since his inception, keeping us on the edge of our seats with thrilling storylines and jaw dropping action. Batman however, has done something that most DC heroes have yet to do, successfully translate his wildly popular comic to the big and small screens. With the most recent success of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy Batman is at a new level of popularity, and DC knows this, they’re using its success to help launch a new Man of Steel series, cause unlike Batman, a movie about an alien who is nearly a god, has been less easy to adapt into an entertaining movie franchise.

 But...movies and TV are for a different day, today I’d like to go back in time a bit and talk about what is generally accepted as the inspiration for the newest Batman Trilogy, a little arc known as Batman: Year One, written by Frank Miller and drawn by David Mazzucchelli. The story arc establishes the roots for the series and its perennial characters; Bruce Wayne/Batman and Lieutenant (Future Commissioner) James Gordon. The series begins with Bruce Wayne flying back into Gotham, and Gordon riding the train to meet his wife Barbara. This arc is really cool for a number of reasons; one of my favorite is the expansion of Gordon’s character. If you grew up in the mid 80’s or early 90’s you hopefully remember Batman: The Animated Series, and the gruff commissioner from the cartoon, well in Year One, Gordon isn’t just gruff in this, he’s a bit of a badass with the morals to keep him from becoming a corrupted brute like many of his fellow officers on the Gotham City Police Department. Both Wayne and Gordon predominantly narrate through internal monologue, it’s oddly reminiscent of Miller’s Sin City, In the scene below Gordon outclasses a cop named Flass and the scene always makes me think of Marv fighting Kevin in Sin City.

Gordon doesn't take crap from no one.

 As the story continues our primary characters slowly start to have interaction, at first it’s through other characters, but eventually as Batman starts to work his way up from street level crime to the upper echelons he comes into conflict with two powerful opponents, Commissioner Loeb and Carmine “The Roman” Falcone, a big time mob boss whose business is being ruined by good ol’ Batman. While Loeb is at a dinner with Falcone and some other supporters Bats decides to put the corrupt on notice. 

 This is but the beginning, days later after making good on the threat to take down the kings of Gotham crime, Gordon is told to take Batman out, and make it fast. They try to trap him, but Bats has some inside information from a familiar source, one Harvey Dent, after a mistake of epic proportions and the actions of our corrupted commissioner at the end of the second issue it really does look like our Caped Crusader has been cooked very well done.

 Will Batman come out of this alive? What will Gordon do? Find out in our next exciting review when we tackle Issues #3 and #4 for the thrilling conclusion of Batman: Year One, See you all next time Same Bat-Time, Same Bat-Channel.